You’ve probably been there, I certainly have. Another interminable team building event: someone trying to make chalk and cheese become best friends, by rehashing every single thing they disagree about, interspersed with “games” that only serve to highlight their differences. Here’s what is going wrong…
(Oh, and you might not be in a team, but this applies to any relationship, with suppliers, clients, family…)
What’s Going Wrong?
It seems logical, doesn’t it, to build friendships to make teams work better? But look at it more closely and that model falls apart:
- Friendships take time to build. Trying to fast-track it by the “bonding in adversity” model has the potential to go very wrong.
- Friendship isn’t transferrable. Every time a person moves on, you are back to square one.
- Digging into what’s going wrong as a route to friendship is to approach it the wrong way around.
- Some people are never going to be friends.
There are two substantial misunderstandings in placing friendship as a requirement for business relationships:
- It can be an impossible hurdle. There are people who can work perfectly well together, once liking each other stops being a requirement.
- It’s back to front. Friendships may grow out of good working relationships, not the other way around.
What That Means?
For a business, that means wasted time, money and opportunities.
Imagine if a simple change of perspective allowed you to get on with difficult people, quickly and easily – and as a side effect build a much more genuine rapport.
Then you can get on with doing what you are good at!
How Do I Do That?
The only person you need a connection with is yourself. In fact, that’s the only person you can connect with. The beauty of this is you are always connected to yourself, you just need a chance to recognise it. Even better, you don’t need other people or relationships to change, before you can be okay.
The single thing to realise is that other people, events or circumstances can’t make you feel a particular way. How you see everything is a projection of your current mental state. There are people, events and circumstances out there, but you experience them from the inside. When you see life clearly, this becomes obvious.
From there, you will have much more clarity about what steps to take. Sometimes this will mean moving away from certain people, other times clearly explaining yourself, other times seeing a situation in a new light.
This is why you can develop rapport with others, co-operate effectively and work together gracefully – all without a single analysing conversation about the past, or bizarre bean-bag passing game (unless you are so inclined).
Sounds To Good To Be True?
Contact me for a chat, and see where it takes you…